Outrage has been sparked and petitions have been created in response to Instagram hiding the hashtag #BPD, with the warning "we've hidden posts for #BPD to protect our community from content that may encourage behaviour that can cause harm and even lead to death". Hashtags which could possibly be triggering or harmful such as #killmyself and #overdose are not hidden, along with other disorders such as #psychosis. The #BPD hashtag has 1.3 million posts, bringing awareness, guidance and support for those with this already underrepresented and misunderstood disorder.
There are many misconceptions surrounding those with Boderline Personality Disorder, such as lacking empathy and being manipulative. Lack of understanding and knowledge of people's experience of BPD has led to these 'evil' stereotypes, with most opinions being formed through the media and peoples negative experiences of a loved one with BPD. In one article, "Surviving A Relationship With Someone Who Has BPD", the author speaks of their experiences and it gives a common sense of negative feelings and opinions. The author writes "people with BPD sometimes feel like children on a perpetual hunt for the boogeyman" and that "if you know someone who matches this description and you aren't close to them, its probably best to keep your distance or cut your losses". Despite their being an almost overwhelming sense of negativity towards people with BPD, the author does say "a boderline is like a drowning person who grabs onto someones arm, and in their desperation, they pull their saviour down with them. They don't intend to cause pain". This shows some understanding that harmful behaviours are often not intended.
Boderline Personaility Disorder is estimated to effect 2% of the population and is often misdiagnosed. There is a misconception that this disorder mainly is found in women, in reality it effects men equally.This disorder is catorgrised in 4 areas.
Emotional Instability: It is common for people with BPD to feel 'low', and then only a few hours later, feel really positive. There is also intense feelings of sorrow, rage and long-term feelings of emptiness.
Disturbed Patterns of Thinking or Perception: This includes upsetting thoughts, thinking that you are a bad person, that you do not exist and seeking constant reassurance. Hearing voices is also another effect of this.
Impulsive Behaviour: Self-harm, including self-damaging behaviours such as drug misuse, binge drinking, spending sprees and unprotected sex with strangers (being 'promiscuous').
Intense but Unstable Relationships: The fear of abandonment causes very intense anxiety and anger. This is one of the main problems people with BPD face, especially with loved ones and people close to them.
Due to this fear of abandonment, people with BPD often make frantic efforts to prevent being alone, such as:
- Constantly phoning or texting a loved one.
- Physically clinging to someone and refusing to let go.
- Making threats to harm or kill themselves if that person ever leaves them.
However, the opposite can also happen, with intense feelings of being smothered leading to anger and emotionally withdrawing.
'Splitting' is another aspect of Boderline Personality Disorder. Having a 'black-white' view, called 'splitting' means that either something is really good or really bad, which no grey areas. Intense emotions leads to extreme happiness or hatred for something, for example, a situation where someone without BPD would be annoyed but not angry, someone with BPD could be furious. Similary, people with BPD have 'go away/please don't go' states of mind, which is not only confusing for their partner, but also for them.
Other symptoms and effects of BPD are:
- Chronic feelings of emptiness.
- Intense anger and problems controlling anger.
- Difficulty trusting.
- Dissociation- Feelings of unreality. This can last for a short period such as hours or days, or a long time, such as weeks or months.
- Memory loss- Feels as though chunks of your life have gone.
"We're scared you're going to leave, even when things are good. And we hate it too"- Person with BPD.
Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder can be stressful or traumatic life events, especially childhood trauma, and even genetic factors.
Some blog posts and chat sites reveal people who have had close relationships with people with BPD feel as though they have been manipulated, controlled and lied too, and articles such as 'Surviving A Relationship With Someone Who Has BPD' give a sense that all people with BPD are the same 'evil' person. Relationships ending in pain and devestation is made to seem inevitable, advising people to stay away for their own happiness, sanity and even safety. Of course, this is dangerous and damaging stereotyping, with many people with BPD just being misunderstood and actually highly loving and sensitive people. However, there has been cases where people with Borderline Personality Disorder have been 'evil'.
Shayna Hubers shot and killed her boyfriend, Ryan Poston in 2012. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.
Hubers claimed that Poston was abusive and that she shot him in self-defense after a argument. She claimed that Poston had thrown her to the floor, and then set a loaded gun down on the table infront of him. In her account, she said she believed that Poston was reaching for the gun and in fear for her life, grabbed the gun out of his hand and shot him. She shot him 6 times. In an interview at the police station, Hubers describes how after she shot her boyfriend, she saw him twitching, and thinking he was 'going to die anyway', shot him again, accounting it to the officers as though it was a mercy. However, in a later interview, she says "I knew he was gonna die or have a completely deformed face, He's very vain...and wants to get a nose job; just that kinda person and I shot him right here... I gave him the nose job he wanted". Prosecuters say that she killed Poston because he was leaving her, she showed no visible emotion at her trial.
The couple were often breaking up and getting back together, with Poston even sending texts to his friends describing how he was 'done' with her and how she was 'crazy'. Hubers also spoke of how he was abusive, kept loaded guns in his home and even once pointed one in her face as a joke. The night before the killing, Poston invited Hubers to his parents, and then to stay the night at his condo. Mixed signals were given to Hubers, as the next day he planned to go on a date with a woman he had began speaking to. Despite the two constantly breaking up, this time Hubers believed it was finally over and this fear of abandoment and rage took over her.
Thomas Schact, a Tennessee psychologist believes that Huber‘s was suffering BPD and PTSD. Schact said that he thinks some of Huber's behaviours, including an unwillingness to leave an abusive relationship, frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, becoming promiscuous, issues of self-identity and self damaging behaviours show that she has BPD. In the year of the murder, Hubers began sleeping with 10 different men, which was attempted to be used against her in court. She had also text Poston 75 times in 1 day and turned up to his condo multiple times without an invite and refusing to leave. Ryan's friend, Allie Wagner said "I think she had a goal, in the begining, to make him settle down with her. And when she wasn't becoming successful, that became a problem...She was just obsessed with him".
Hubers claimed that killing her boyfriend was self-defense, with a history of domestic abuse and mixed-signals. However, prosecuters believed this was a woman who was consumed with a fear of abandonment, and upon realising that this time, the couple were finally over, shot and killed him. Not only did she fail to show any remorse or emotion, if this was an act of self-defence then why, as he was twitching and dying, did she shoot him again? Hubers claimed that she did not want to watch him die, however one questions that if she loved him, why would she not call an ambulance to save him? If this was simply an act of self defence, why did she shoot him 6 times, with some at very close range?
She was sentenced to life imprisonment in 2018.
The case of Shayna Hubers is possibly an extreme example of the effects of Borderline Personality Disorder. Fears of abandonment, and doing anything and everything in a frantic attempt to prevent being left alone can be seen here, with the most extreme prevention being killing that person so they can not leave. Intense anger and problems controlling such anger can also be seen here as she shot Poston again and again, making sure that he was dead.
Other killers such as Aileen Wuornos, Jeffery Dahmer and Kristen Gilbert also have been diagnosed with Boderline Personaility Disorder.
With all of this being spoken about in the media, and hardly any awareness of BPD, it is not hard to see why people stereotype BPD as 'evil', 'manipulative' and 'lacking empathy'. This is not the case, with people with this disorder wanting more understanding around their experiences.
"Everything is felt more intensely: good, bad or otherwise. Our reaction to such feelings may seem out of proportion, but it's appropriate in our minds". Another person diagnosed with BPD says "we aren't dangerous or manipulative...we just need a little bit of extra love".
Despite there being an overwhelming need from the BPD community for more knowledge, support and awareness of this disorder to break down misconceptions and stereotypes, some do admit that being close to them can be difficult; "I have drained romantic partners because I've needed a seemingly endless supply of reassurance". People with BPD want people understand that their emotions are a lot more intense, therefore their reactions may appear unproportionate to you, but perfectly proportionate to the way they are feeling, whether it is positive emotions or negative.
There are ways to help a loved one with BPD, most importantly, educate yourself about the disorder to better understand the way they are thinking, as even to them it may be confusing. Patience is also key, try to remain calm; remember that Splitting is a symptom of BPD and that the person is not intentionally trying to hurt you. Show that person that you really do care, they may need a little more reassurance than someone without BPD, but this reassurance will help them. Also make sure that they feel heard, BPD is very confusing for the person diagnosed as well as those close to them. One moment they love you and the next they hate you, and even they dont understand why they feel that way, therefore feeling heard and understood can go a long way.
The frustration over the banning of the #BPD hashtag is well understood, with other hashtags surrounding other diagnosis not receiving the same negative treatment. People of the BPD community feel as though, due to all of the negative misconceptions and stereotypes, that they are trying to be silenced, as they are 'evil' and 'manipulative' individuals. In reality, this hashtag has been used in attempt to raise awareness and make these people who already feel as though they are misunderstood and alone, feel as though they are part of a community. Education is needed to help those who are diagnosed, and to break down these stereotypes, showing people that those with Borderline Personality Disorder are sensitive and extremely loving people, who just need understanding, patience and support.
