"But mama I'm in love with a criminal,
and this type of love isn't rational, it's physical...
He is a killer just for fun, fun, fun..."
- Britney Spears, Criminal.
'The Night Stalker' and 'Conversations with a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes' are undeniably very popular shows on Netflix. It appears that viewers are becoming more and more interested in 'true crime' and 'serial killer' programmes. These programmes show the lives and crimes of sadistic serial killers such as Ted Bundy and Richard Ramirez. The recent showing of 'The Night Stalker', exploring the unthinkable crimes and investigation of Richard Ramirez, left some viewers complaining about the amount of 'gore' and the brutality of the programme. Most were left disturbed, yet left with the instinctive human fascination with death. However, some viewers comments expressed their attraction to these killers, explaining how they found them attractive, and even romanticising their crimes.
"I knew in my mind he was the worst person ever but somehow I just was obsessed with him"
- Blog user, Woman A.
You might be wondering, how could someone ever be attracted to a man who has killed and raped multiple people?
"I am a woman with Hybristophilia... I am sexually attracted/aroused by men who commit heinous crimes"
- Blog user, Woman B.
Hybristophilia.
Hybristophilia is a paraphilia in which one experiences sexual arousal by being intimate with a partner who has committed outrageous crimes, such as rape and murder. Another given definition describes Hybristophilia as a paraphilia in which a person is sexuoerotically attracted to a person who has committed an outrage or gruesome crime. It is when the non-criminal party is aroused by the idea of the criminal committing the murder, or similar.
There is a lack of scientific research into Hybristophilia, however there are many cases which have been studied, from the likes of Charles Mansons' 'groupies' and Ted Bundy's Carole Ann Boone. We can even see this in fiction, such as the case of Harley Quinn, who fell in love with the Joker.
Through case study analysis, there appears to be two types of Hybristophilia: passive and aggressive.
Passive Hybristophilia is the sexual attraction to criminals, but with no interest in 'helping' them with their crimes.
Aggressive Hybristophilia is the want to help a (typically male) criminal commit their crimes.
There is no straight forward answer for why Hybristophilia occurs, though through case study analysis, there appears to be some varying factors such as childhood abuse and trauma. Forensic psychologist Katherine Ramsland created a list of factors, based on studies of women who dated serial killers. She commented on a belief that they can 'change' the criminal they obsess over (women wanting to nurture), a hope to gain public attention, and a fantasy of a "perfect boyfriend".
"The more violent, usually the better"
- Blog User, Woman B.
The case of Richard Ramirez and Doreen Lioy.
Richard Ramirez was charged with 13 murders, five attempted murders, 11 sexual assaults and 14 burglaries between 1984-85. He was sentenced to death. If you have not seen "The Night Stalker" (Netflix), then you may be unaware of the brutality of these crimes. He did not have a 'type', with his victims ranging from children to pensioners. He took children from their beds and shot, stabbed and raped his older victims.
Richard Ramirez terrified the communities. When he was finally caught after an on-foot chase, ending in a member of the public pinning him to the ground, there was a collective sigh of relief. Despite his unthinkable crimes he commited against women, he quickly became popular. Young women, and even men, filled the court rooms and even the corridoors outside, just to catch a glimpse at the "Night Stalker". Ramirez would even turn to face them in court with a smirk on his face, knowing they were there to try and catch his attention. Shortly after being imprisoned for his crimes in 1985, Doreen Lioy, a freelance magazine editor from California, began writing to Ramirez. She stated later that she was taken back by his 'vulnerablilty' in a TV interview and began visiting him up to four times a week. Lioy's family soon all disowned her.
Reportedly, one of the main factors which attracted Ramirez to Lioy was that she told him that she was a virgin. In 1988 Ramirez proposed to Lioy, but they did not marry until 1996 because of 'prison rules'. The wedding consisted of a 15 minute service, with some of Ramirez's family present, including his brother and sister. Lioy brought the wedding rings, a gold band for herself, and a platinum band for Ramirez, who explained "satanists don't wear gold". They married whilst Ramirez was on death row.
"Kind", "funny", "charming" and a "good person" are words in which Lioy used to describe her murderous husband. She stated how she had full faith in him, and held the opinions that he was innocent. However after DNA linked Ramirez to the sexual assault of a 9 year old, Lioy cut ties. They were married for 13 years.
Not long after Lioy cut ties, Ramirez became engaged to Christie Lee, a young writer, but they were never married.
Doreen Lioy is a case of wanting to 'nurture' Ramirez, who she saw as vulnerable and misunderstood. This is one of the common factors seen in Hybristophilia, with many women seeing these killers as the often sweet and abused child that these men once were, and believing all they need is nurture to get them back to that state. However, these types of men do not allow others beliefs to change theirs, therefore they will not 'change'. In their mind, to let a woman 'change' them would make them the submissive party and usually these types of men crave ultimate control, seen by raping and killing their (often) female victims.
"I don't have fantasises of trying to save them or anything"
-Blog User, Woman B.
Other factors in Hybristophilia include loving 'danger' and the 'alpha-male', wanting to be seen as special (the person that he doesn't harm), having a man close but not too close and psychopathic traits luring in insecure and easily influenced women. These ideas are really interesting, but again, with a lack of scientific research, all information stems from case study analysis.
The Appeal of the Dominant Partner.
Dr Vinta Meant stated "studies have demonstrated that socially dominant men hold sway with many women, and can invoke feelings of inferiority among men" and the act of killing another can be perceived as the ultimate act of dominance. Some women, mostly insecure and easily influenced, find comfort in submissively following a dominant man, and allowing them all control. These killers are often hypermasculine and 'ooze testosterone', leading some women to believe that they will be a protector, and a leader. Shelia Isenberg interviewed numerous hybristophiliacs and found that most had a history of abusive and violent relationships, and this submissiveness is an effect of such. Akin to this, due to (most) women being attracted to the "alpha-male", they subconsciously may believe that they gain status and protection by being with a man who has committed the ultimate act of dominance.
Another interesting aspect of wanting a 'dominant partner' or a 'bad boy' who oozes testoterone, is the idea of repressed rebelliousness. Girls rebelliousness is typically repressed during childhood and therefore may be drawn to these men as a way of expressing their 'inner rebel'. With these men, women can feel as though they can be themselves without being judged and show their 'dark side'. Similarly, the idea of the relationship being taboo, something they shouldn't/can't do, makes it even more exciting.
The Attraction of Psychopaths.
Most serial killers eventually do gain the diagnosis of a psychopath. These men are extra-confident and know exactly what to say and do to get attention, and their own way. Psychopathic individuals may use their superficial charm and exciting personality to gain trust and desire. Other personality traits such as having a grossly inflated view of their own self-worth and importance, along with them being deceitful and manipulative, draws women in who are often easily influenced and lack self-confidence. They are often charismatic, as seen with Ted Bundy, who undeniably knew how to manipulate a whole room of people.
Internalised Sexism.
This is another interesting factor which case study analysis has shown. In some cases, it was evident that internalised sexism played a large role in their Hybristophilia, with women seeing violence against women as justified and that which can be practiced safely. It is possible that women who experienced abuse use internalised sexism to distance themselves from fears of harassment or abuse by deflecting blame to other women, putting themselves in the shoes of the abuser.
Coping with Trauma.
Two different coping mechanisms were seen as factors in Hybristophilia, by Frankel in 1998; Repetition Compulsion and Identification of the Aggressor.
- Repetition Compulsion is the repression of trauma, and then repeating the repressed material in order to process the trauma.
- Identification of the Aggressor is replacing their experiences with those of the aggressor, therefore identifying with and submitting to the aggressor, rather than fearing or hating him.
Another factor, although only speculative, states that women with early trauma have distorted views of intimacy. These women like to 'flirt with danger' but know that they can not actually come to harm by them, due to them being in prison.
The 'Perfect Boyfriend'.
This links with the idea of the 'perfect boyfriend', a factor in which many people believe is relevant in Hybristophilia. These men are in prison, therefore, women can form relationships with them and hold most of the control and power over the relationship. These women know where their partner is 24/7, know that he will not be 'cheating' on them, can visit them whenever they want, and know that their partner will be on their best behaviour during these visits due to the watchful eye of the prison staff. For women who suffered previous violent or controlling relationships, this may be attractive, as they now hold the 'control' over their relationship and its boundaries.
Can programmes, documentaries and films be blamed for the over romanticising of men who commit horrific crimes? Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile is a 2019 film which received many complaints due to its 'over romanticising' of killer Ted Bundy. Viewers commented on how the film appeared to be more like a romance, with intentions to make Bundy appear attractive, than focus on the horror of his crimes. Mental health, trauma or the romanticising of these killers in the media? No one is certain on why some women are attracted to these men. It is worrying to see women and young girls talking across social media about their 'favourite serial killer' and who they would let 'kidnap' and 'kill' them. Many fail to understand this attraction and obsession due to the heinous nature of their crimes. Yet it is in fact the severity of these heinous crimes in which attracts these women.
Whether you view this as disrespect and disregard to the victims who have suffered at the hands of these killers, Hybristophilia is very real and is becoming more and more prevalent and spoken about across the media.
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